you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
