when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
