It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
