How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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