if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
You're like the curious george of whores
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
false alarm, still single
Randomize
