I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
