I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Everything about him screamed your future.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
