She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
