if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
