My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize