so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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