she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize