u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I would fuck him just for his dog
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
