She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
This is my life. Enjoy the view
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
