Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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