I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
