Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
