i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Randomize
