Moan for me like Helen Keller
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
