A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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