I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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