with your own penis?
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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