I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
