You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
