We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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