oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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