Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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