Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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