S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Randomize
