I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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