i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
