dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
