barbara walters just said penis...
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
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