She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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