I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I'm sobbing to NWA
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
