I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Come share oat with me in your robe
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
