happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize
