I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
