They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
