I'm going to jail i love you
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
