complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
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What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
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Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
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