I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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