Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
