Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize