Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
