So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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