Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
