How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
