I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
