As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
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Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
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How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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