If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
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