You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
