I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
