U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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