If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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