His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
