Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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