Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
