pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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