Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
