he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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