I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
