she woke up with a sticky ear
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
