this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
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