Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
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