Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Randomize
