When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
