Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Randomize
