seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize
